I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There r osticjed everywhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
