I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
