Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
