he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
