I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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