i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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