So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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