Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
