Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
