He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
