end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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