dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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