Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
