Don't make out with my wife yet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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