in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to get me chipped asap
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