I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
