hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
