my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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