I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
