saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
