i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
