I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
