I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
