my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
