If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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