I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
