I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
