She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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