He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
