You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
