a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
