i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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