The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
