I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize