New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
