How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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