Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
