he puts the penis in happiness.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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