Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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