Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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