just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
be right there i have to get my cape
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
