p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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