Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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