So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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