So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
