I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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