this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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