Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
