That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
