Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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