I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
