OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
