1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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