So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
