dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
