i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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