I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize