Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
