Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
