I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
COCAINE IS GR8
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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