I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
