I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
