I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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