Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize