I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
