I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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