I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
