went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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