I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
