I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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