Someone shit on the floor
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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