fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
