those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
