so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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