she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
