Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
