One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
