I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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